Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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