just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
