My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
