she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
