I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
