I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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