Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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