I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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