How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
