The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
false alarm. still invincible.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
