I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
