He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
