Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
