Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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