she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
