we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
