just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
