The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
even my farts smell like vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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