you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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