morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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