you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
