You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
