she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
