im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
