I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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