now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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