Pants 0. Shit 1.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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