YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
