So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
