i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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