im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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