where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
