My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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