Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
