this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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