I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
