Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
