I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
