I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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