Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
