as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
