I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
