there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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