2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
