Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
