there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
