I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
