Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
