The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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