Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
